Expectations

Lately, I've had several occasions which have forced me to readjust the expectations that I've set in front of me for what defines my happiness. Well, if I'm honest with myself, that's still a work in progress. Either way, it's obvious that I won't find it as quickly, or as simply, as I had hoped to. I realize that we choose whether or not we're going to be happy, and I still consciously devote myself to that choice. The reality of that choice, and how I bring the result to fruition, have changed.

A month ago, I was propelled by the momentum of newly found personal freedom into believing that, by sheer force of will, I could force every day to be the best day of my life. I believed that, in making the choice, I was creating the result. I've found that this is not completely true. My interpretation of the conscious decision to be happy would lead me to believe that, by doing my laundry and seeing my kids, today was a better day than those on which any of my children were born. A better day than the last day that I kissed someone that I was truly in love with. This cheapens the value of those days which were truly special, and makes the value of my every day life out to be far more than what it really is.

It also falsely elevated the quality of those days which, conscious decision or not, really were days that could have been better. The day that I realized what the reality of my marriage was going to be. The day that I broke my arm as a kid. Any of the days that involved car accidents. Those were not going to be good days, whether I wanted them to or not. At best, they could be seen as days that were the accent to highlight what the truly good days are supposed to be. They were not the best days of my life.

Today was not the best day of my life. And that's okay. Because that day is coming. And that's the lesson that life has been trying to teach me, I think. Rather than trying to focus on forcing every day to be the best day of my life, I should relax, and just let the day be what it is. Instead of wasting my energy in trying to make the day what it wasn't intended to be, I should conserve that energy, and pour it into recognizing the truly special days for what they are. I'll let you all know the next time that a day like that pops up.